12 Things to Do during Your First Overnight Alone in 21 Years

  1. Friday afternoon, check the movie listings. Strike out. Check Netflix for Austenland, because you’ve been re-reading it on the sly all week. Strike out. Check Netflix’s recommendations for people obsessed with Austenland. Decide to watch Death comes to Pemberley after supper.austenland-collage-copy
  2. Watch your son come home from school and leave for his friend’s birthday party in the space of 20 minutes.
  3. Heat up your one-serving Aldi’s Eggplant Parmesan. Briefly feel lucky to be alone, because nobody else likes Eggplant Parm.aldi-eggplant-parm
  4. Sit down for your nightly dose of Wheel of Fortune. Decide not to watch Netflix, because it would require you to descend 2 flights of stairs to use the basement tv. Go to bed at 9:30 because you have no imagination whatsoever.
  5. Wake up at 4:40 to the sound of the dog grooming himself. He’s been scratching ever since he spent two days in a boarding kennel. Resolve to start him on the leftover doggie antibiotic you’ve been hoarding.
  6. Give up on sleep at 6:00. Text your daughter in England purely to try out the new iPhone texting features. Confuse her utterly.texting
  7. Text your husband with your new choice for president: Paul Ryan.
  8. Head for the farmer’s market to buy a pumpkin for the porch. Come home with this: fm-basketGood Work.
  9. Buy a veggie breakfast burrito at the farmer’s market. Remove everything but the eggs. Join the #NeverArugula movement.
  10. Stop at Target to buy toilet bowl cleaner and conditioner. Fall in love with a high shine glossing mist that promises to laminate my hair with shine. Laminated hair? Sign me up!laminated-hair-copy
  11. Try for 15 minutes to get a decent picture of the dog, who apparently doesn’t itch at all now.
  12. Spare a moment’s regret that none of my family was present to share this beautiful morning. Oh well. We’ll have other days.hobbes-copy


  1. I just had my first night alone in 27 years. Very similar experience…except I had papers to grade. My dogs never bark at night and on this particular night they barked all night long.

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