12 Things to Do during Your First Overnight Alone in 21 Years
Friday afternoon, check the movie listings. Strike out. Check Netflix for Austenland, because you’ve been re-reading it on the sly all week. Strike out. Check Netflix’s recommendations for people obsessed with Austenland. Decide to watch Death comes to Pemberley after supper.
Watch your son come home from school and leave for his friend’s birthday party in the space of 20 minutes.
Heat up your one-serving Aldi’s Eggplant Parmesan. Briefly feel lucky to be alone, because nobody else likes Eggplant Parm.
Sit down for your nightly dose of Wheel of Fortune. Decide not to watch Netflix, because it would require you to descend 2 flights of stairs to use the basement tv. Go to bed at 9:30 because you have no imagination whatsoever.
Wake up at 4:40 to the sound of the dog grooming himself. He’s been scratching ever since he spent two days in a boarding kennel. Resolve to start him on the leftover doggie antibiotic you’ve been hoarding.
Give up on sleep at 6:00. Text your daughter in England purely to try out the new iPhone texting features. Confuse her utterly.
Text your husband with your new choice for president: Paul Ryan.
Head for the farmer’s market to buy a pumpkin for the porch. Come home with this: Good Work.
Buy a veggie breakfast burrito at the farmer’s market. Remove everything but the eggs. Join the #NeverArugula movement.
Stop at Target to buy toilet bowl cleaner and conditioner. Fall in love with a high shine glossing mist that promises to laminate my hair with shine. Laminated hair? Sign me up!
Try for 15 minutes to get a decent picture of the dog, who apparently doesn’t itch at all now.
Spare a moment’s regret that none of my family was present to share this beautiful morning. Oh well. We’ll have other days.